" The words
sunk deep into her thoughtless heart. In vain she strove to banish them;
but they would return upon her memory, and linger there with tormenting
obstinacy. Vain was it that she mingled in scenes of gayety and mirth;
vainly did she become "the gayest of the gay." The conviction became
stronger, as each week rolled away, that she was _a lost sinner_. Under the
influence of divine truth she continued to become more deeply impressed
with the importance of giving her heart to God and being a new creature.
She herself says, "I lost all relish for amusements; felt melancholy and
dejected; and the solemn truth that I must obtain a new heart, or perish
forever, lay with weight upon my mind." At length her feelings-became so
overpowering that she could not confine them within her own bosom. God had
rolled such a weight of conviction on her mind that she was almost crushed
to the earth. How God could forgive _her_ sins, she could not see. How one
so guilty, so rebellious, so hardened, could obtain mercy, she did not
know. Instead, at this time, of giving her heart to God, she resorted to
other means to find relief from sin.
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