Let me admit that I have more than once in life made grave mistakes
through this timidity and indolence, or through an imaginativeness
which could see in a great opportunity nothing but a sea of
troubles, which would, I do not doubt, have melted away as one
advanced. But no one has suffered except myself! Institutions do
not depend upon individuals; and I regard such failures now just as
the petulant casting away of a chance of experience, as a lesson
which I would not learn; but there is nothing irreparable about it;
one only comes, more slowly and painfully, to the same goal at
last. I dare not say that I regret it all, for we are all of us,
whether small or great, being taught a mighty truth, whether we
wish it or know it; and all that we can do to hasten it is to put
our will into the right scale. I do not think mistakes and failures
ought to trouble one much; at all events there is no fear mingled
with them. But I do not here claim to have attained any real
serenity--my own heart is too impatient, too fond of pleasure for
that!--yet I can see clearly enough that it is there, if I could
but grasp it; and I know well enough how it is to be attained, by
being content to wait, and by realising at every instant and moment
of life that, in spite of my tremors and indolences, my sharp
impatiences, my petulant disgusts, something very real and great is
being shown me, which I shall at last, however dimly, perceive; and
that even so the goal of the journey is far beyond any horizon that
I can conceive, and built up like the celestial city out of
unutterable brightness and clearness, upon a foundation of peace
and joy.
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